Short Fuse? Keep Calm and Read This Article
While it's normal to get angry and upset every now and then, what's not normal is taking it out on others and saying or doing things you might regret. It's important to recognize the signs of underlying anger issues before they start affecting other aspects of your life, from the workplace to personal relationships. If you often have bouts of irrational, intense anger and find it difficult to control, here are 10 signs you may have anger issues—and 10 management tips to try.
1. Frequent Irritability
Constant irritability is just one of many key indicators that you may have underlying anger management issues. If everything seems to set you off, whether it's a small comment or critique someone made or a minor mishap, or you're unable to engage in calm conflict resolution, then this is something to keep an eye on.
2. Verbal Aggression
When you're triggered and on edge, you might lash out at others, saying hurtful comments that you may not have otherwise said if not for your temper issues. You may raise your voice, belittle others, and treat every conversation like an argument you need to win.
3. Physical Aggression
Other times, it's not just verbal aggression you engage in—you may also get physically violent. You might throw objects, hurt those around you, or challenge people to physical altercations. Deep anger issues could also trigger physical symptoms, such as a rise in blood pressure and pulse, raising your risk of heart attack and stroke.
4. Feeling Out of Control
When you experience anger, is it something that simmers just beneath the surface, or is it an unconstrained emotion that makes you feel restless? Even if you know you shouldn't react this way, you can't help but act out on impulse, regardless of the consequences you might face in the aftermath.
5. Low Tolerance for Mistakes
Whether it's a minor spill or a typo on a document, if you have deep anger issues, you never let any mistakes slide. In fact, you might even hold grudges and continually remind others of their past errors. This eventually leads to strained relationships, both in the workplace and in your personal life.
6. Relationship Issues
If you constantly lash out and take your anger out on others, such as on your coworkers, your family members, or your partner, others will constantly be afraid to communicate with you, leading to relationship issues. You may find yourself unable to keep jobs or dating partners.
7. Increased Substance Use
Instead of reaching out to a therapist or calmly sorting through their emotions, those dealing with underlying anger issues may choose to use alcohol, drugs, or other substances to control or cope with their emotions. However, sometimes this has the opposite effect and can lead to more intense feelings and irritability.
8. Difficulty Managing Stress
You might also find it difficult to manage your stress if you have anger issues. Because of this, you may take your frustration out on others. Or, for some, they may direct that anger inward, leading to self-punishment (skipping meals) or even self-harm.
9. Feeling Remorse or Lack of Remorse
After the worst of your emotions subsides, you might either regret your actions or hurtful comments, promising to not do it again. Or you might feel a lack of remorse entirely, detached from all emotions except anger, uncaring of how it affects others.
10. Intense Emotions
When you have underlying anger issues, you may feel all emotions intensely, as if they're dialled up to a hundred. And because of their intensity, you feel out of control and unable to grasp the gravity of your actions until the emotion has passed. Oftentimes, anger issues may also be a sign of depression.
Now that you're aware of some of the signs of anger issues, here are 10 management tips to try.
1. Think Before You Speak
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us in the heat of the moment. But to practice control, don't let these feelings overpower and control you. Instead of blurting out the first thought in your mind, consider how your words might be hurtful and demeaning, then collect yourself before trying again.
2. Identify Triggers
What sets you off? Unsolicited advice, traffic jams, nosy friends and coworkers—whatever makes your anger rise, identify those triggers and mark them down. Then, when your mind is in a calm state, walk yourself through each of these situations and ask yourself how you can better sort out and control your emotions.
3. Go for a Walk
If you're in a situation where you feel restless and highly irritable, excuse yourself and go for a walk. It's better to remove yourself from the situation—even if it's during an important meeting with your boss—than for you to say or do things you'll regret.
4. Try Breathing Exercises
The next time you feel a bout of anger rising up, try to control your breathing by doing some exercises. As mentioned earlier, intense emotions can trigger physical symptoms, such as a rise in blood pressure or heart rate. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, then breathe out for eight. Repeat until you feel more clear-headed.
5. Take a Timeout
Just as you might make your kids do a timeout for bad behavior, instil this rule in yourself when you feel irrationally angry. Go somewhere quiet where you can take a breather and relieve feelings of frustration. A short break might be all you need to get your emotions in check.
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6. Read a Book
To distract yourself or calm your mind, you can also try to read a book. You can choose self-help books that touch on anger management and how to deal with intense emotions, but reading fiction can also help to let your mind wander.
7. Use Humor to Relieve Tension
Instead of lashing out at others or bottling your emotions in, turn to humor. For example, if you or someone else accidentally spilled wine on the carpet, you can lighten up the situation by commenting how it's about time you fed the floor. Another important thing to keep in mind is to make genuine jokes—avoid sarcasm.
8. When You're Calm, Talk Through Your Feelings
Once you've cooled down, don't feel like you need to keep those emotions suppressed. It's healthy to talk through your concerns and to let others know how you're feeling, but do so in a way that's not accusatory or demeaning. It may help to use "I" statements, such as "I'm upset you forgot to do the laundry," as opposed to "You always forget to do the laundry."
9. Listen to Music
Just as reading a book might calm you down, listening to music may also help. Whether it's jazzy tunes or head-banging rock 'n roll, pick a playlist that allows you to release those emotions in a healthy way, without hurting others or yourself.
10. Reach Out to a Professional
If you still find it challenging to control your anger or emotions, don't be afraid to reach out to a professional. You might find more comfort in talking to a friend at first, but it's important that you don't let your emotions get the best of you if the conversation doesn't flow in the way you want. An experienced therapist, on the other hand, will know the best techniques and exercises to help you healthily rein in anger.
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