Getting in Touch with Your Feelings
Are you the type to lash out at every small mistake? Do you tend to start arguments rather than resolving problems with a calm, relaxed mind? If so, you might have low emotional intelligence (EQ). But how can you boost it? Don't worry—we promise it's not rocket science. From journaling your emotions to building your social skills, here are 20 easy ways to increase your EQ.
1. Active Listening
Instead of simply nodding along when others are talking, pay attention to their words and tone of voice, the emotions that flicker across their face. The more details you notice and recognize, the better you'll understand others. A good tip is to be the kind of listener you want others to be for you.
2. Observe How You Feel
This isn't just tracking your emotions or taking notice only when you're experiencing something intense, like anger or frustration. Make a habit of being in tune with how you feel by checking in on yourself every few hours. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what sensations you're feeling and how they're reflecting physically.
3. Question Your Own Beliefs & Opinions
Your beliefs and opinions aren't the only views that exist. If you think that way and push aside different stances, you'll forever be stuck in your own mind about what you think is right and wrong. Instead, keep an open mind, question your ideas, and leave room for judgment.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Take care of yourself regularly. This isn't just checking in on how you feel throughout the day; practicing mindfulness is giving your mind and body space to breathe and relax. Engage in light exercise, like yoga, or meditation techniques, to keep your anxiety and stress levels low.
5. Ask Others for Their Perspective
Tying into the earlier point about questioning your beliefs and opinions, be active and ask others for their perspectives whenever you can. This can allow you to learn more about what other ideas exist out there and may even spark inspiration.
6. Take Criticism As Ways to Improve
Instead of viewing criticism as something negative, which many of us tend to immediately do, try to accept feedback as an opportunity to learn, grow, and improve. It may help to act like a mist or fog, where you absorb stones and critiques without taking them to heart.
7. Build Social Skills
If you're always stuck within your own bubble and refuse to meet new people or cultivate new connections, you'll never build the social skills you need to increase your emotional intelligence. From understanding social cues to communicating effectively, people who are more interactive will be able to build better genuine relationships.
8. Ask for Feedback
More than just waiting for others to give you feedback, ask for it yourself. It may actually be easier to accept if done this way, so it doesn't come as unexpected. The more often you ask for ways to improve, the quicker you'll grow. Plus, it'll help form a habit and allow you to get used to constructive criticism.
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9. Take a Pause
We don't just mean pausing to check in on how you feel—we mean allowing yourself a moment before you react or speak. Even in situations where you have every right to be angry and upset, it's important to take a deep breath, stay calm, and respond thoughtfully before following that first instinct to berate someone.
10. Manage Your Stress & Anger
Those with low emotional intelligence tend to not handle stress well. They'll often blame others or lash out because they can't regulate their emotions or don't understand why they feel the way they do. On the other hand, people with high EQ learn to build resilience so they can think before they react.
11. Improve on Empathic Skills
Even if you're not naturally empathetic, it'll help to learn and practice how to be. When you understand the emotions of other people and try to see things from their perspectives, you'll find it easier to be an active listener, build strong relationships, and how to better navigate emotional situations.
12. Keep a Journal
It may also help to keep a journal of your emotions and track your patterns. But that's not the only way journaling can be useful—it can also be a way for you to keep in touch with your feelings and jot down specific examples, situations, and details. Plus, it can be a way to practice mindfulness.
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13. Set Goals...
Understanding what motivates you is another way you can increase your emotional intelligence. What do you want to achieve? What does success look like for you? How do you want to improve? By setting goals and holding yourself to them, you'll build a growth mindset that allows you to feel a sense of accomplishment when you reach those targets and understand how to recover from potential setbacks.
14. ...And Set Boundaries
Just as it's crucial to set goals, it's also important to set boundaries. What do we mean by this? We mean setting limits in your work and personal life to avoid feeling overwhelmed or stressed. An example could be understanding when to say "no" to working overtime so you can focus on your family and needs. Without setting clear boundaries, you risk burnout, which can negatively impact your emotions.
15. Celebrate Achievements
No matter how big or small, celebrate your victories. This could be recognizing when you encouraged opinions and feedback from others, or when you showed empathy or were an active listener. A bigger win might be accomplishing the goals you've set.
16. Envision Scenarios & Practice Conflict Resolution
Whenever you can, imagine scenarios where you're met with consequential or stressful situations. How would you feel? How would you react? What would the outcome be if you responded instinctively and negatively, and how could the outcome be better if you stayed calm? Practice conflict resolution by regulating your emotions and figuring out the best way to resolve problems to foster a safe, open, non-judgmental environment.
17. Identify Your Triggers
What makes you tick? Identifying your triggers will allow you to better understand and recognize your emotions before they happen. This is where a journal will come in handy so you can write down specific patterns and situations and how to better handle similar cases in the future.
18. Label Your Emotions
It isn't enough to know that what you're feeling is anger, sadness, or frustration. Try to get to the root of your emotions to increase your awareness and understand how to better respond. More importantly, labeling your feelings will put you in control so you're less likely to let the opposite happen—where your emotions control you.
19. Cultivate Strong Relationships
Whenever possible, build genuine relationships with others. When you master your social skills, you'll be better at communicating with others and understanding empathy. Part of increasing your EQ is knowing how to manage your emotions to form meaningful connections.
20. Read More
Even if you don't always have the opportunity to socialize and communicate with others to build your emotional intelligence, you can always turn to books. Reading materials written by various voices and perspectives will expose you to different thoughts, feelings, situations, and scenarios, so you can broaden your views and be more open-minded.
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