You Deserve Better
Life is full of patterns, and you might find that the men or women you date all share the same downfalls. It’s pretty well-known that broken people tend to attract those that take advantage of them. This is why it’s important to identify the reasons why, resolve them, and find the love you deserve.
1. A Bad Childhood
A bad childhood can leave lasting wounds that follow you well into adulthood. If you grew up in an environment full of conditional and unpredictable love, you’ll be more likely to forgive and accept those that showcase toxic behavior. You might even see it as normal.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Similarly, having low self-esteem might lead you to think you deserve less. Perhaps you tolerate mistreatment because you think you do not deserve better.
3. Trying to Fix Them
For others, there is an innate desire to fix the shortcomings in their partner. There is a saying: you should never set yourself on fire to keep others warm. However, certain people feel responsible for the happiness of others.
4. Lack of Boundaries
If you lack boundaries, you make yourself susceptible to toxic individuals who want to take advantage of your kindness. These people may present themselves as reliable at first, but they will slowly test your boundaries before revealing their true colors.
5. People-Pleasing
If you’re a people-pleaser, you might find yourself prioritizing the needs of your partner above your own. It is important to find a balance in a relationship, and people-pleasing can lead to fear of confrontation and dismissing red flags.
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6. Codependency
Codependent people are more than happy to stay in unhealthy relationships, essentially feeling like they would be abandoning a part of themselves if they left. They feel it is their job to save the toxic people in their life.
7. Fear of Loneliness
For many individuals, there is an innate fear of loneliness. They are so scared of being by themselves that they would rather accept a terrible partner than be alone. The issue here is that you need to learn to love yourself before you can become part of a healthy relationship.
8. Trauma Bonding
You may undergo a traumatic experience with your current partner, which attaches you to them in a significant way. This makes you more tolerant of both the highs and lows. Their occasional moments of kindness will enable you to forgive their abundant moments of cruelty.
9. Craving the Drama
Unfortunately, some people are just bored. They associate love with emotional intensity and cannot tolerate the stable calm of healthier relationships. They will chase these toxic behaviors and seek out partners that provide those traits.
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10. Cultural Conditioning
For others, their tolerance of toxic behaviors stems from cultural conditioning. In certain regions, women are taught to be subservient. Meanwhile, even in Western cultures, people are taught that love conquers all, which leads them to endure suffering in the name of “love.”
Now that we have talked about reasons you might be attracting toxic people, here are 10 ways to break the cycle.
1. Build Boundaries
The first step to healing is to build healthy boundaries again. Whether past relationships or an unfortunate childhood led to your inability to say no, now is the time to let go of that guilt and enforce what you want from a relationship.
2. Address Unresolved Emotions
Sometimes it is important to address our past trauma to enable ourselves to grow and heal from it. Of course, you need to be patient and kind on this journey, but when you’re ready, reflect on your past to identify the source of your bad relationship patterns.
3. Build Self-Esteem
A higher self-esteem leads to a higher sense of self-worth. When you think you’re worth a lot, you’ll be less likely to tolerate bad behavior. Essentially, you want to feel like you deserve a healthy and kind relationship.
4. Work on Self-Respect
Self-respect is similar to self-esteem, but essentially, you want to realize that you don’t need validation from those who don’t deserve you. You don’t have to tolerate bad behavior or cruelty because you respect yourself too much for that.
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5. Recognize Red Flags
Sometimes, when we’re really close to a person, it’s hard to identify their bad behaviors. Doing a bit of research online might help you learn more about signs of controlling behaviors, manipulation, or even love-bombing.
6. Put Yourself First
There is a fine line between being selfish and valuing yourself. There is nothing wrong with refusing to help someone when it puts your well-being at risk. So don’t be afraid to ask for what you want or need, and if they are unwilling to meet those needs, then use your self-respect to dismiss them from your life.
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7. Take Relationships Slow
Everyone is racing towards love, but that in itself can be detrimental. Instead, take your relationships slow so you can really analyze the other person’s behaviors before committing. Usually, if they’re pretending to be someone they’re not, the mask will eventually slip.
8. Trust Your Gut
Sometimes it can be hard to trust your instincts, especially when they have led you into toxic relationships in the past. But in reality, you might have been ignoring the sensations in your gut. With that in mind, listen to your intuition, and if something feels off, don’t be afraid to walk away early.
9. Identify Healthy Relationships
Sometimes it’s easier to form healthy relationships when you have strong examples of them. Our parents don’t always meet the mark in this avenue, which is why you can look online for healthy examples to strive toward.
10. Ask for Help
Finally, some underlying issues might require a more professional hand. Don’t be afraid to seek out therapy or coaching, especially if you’re struggling with breaking deep-seated habits.
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